Davis Square hypothetical ice cream flavors

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

My friend hellgirl13 sent me an email that I'd like to post. Her LJ is blocked from work and her home computer is acting up. I got her permission to post what she wrote here:

So, I ate my lunch and was perusing the Wicked Local Somerville Blog and came across an entry that asked, "If Somerville was an ice cream, what flavors would it be?"

Here's my answer:

Tuft's Frat Boy Fudge Swirl (sold only in Davis Square on Friday and Saturday nights during the school year. May leave an aftertaste of cheap beer on the palate.)

Sanctuary Soft Serve (We refuse to tell you what's in it, what flavors it's available in or where it can be purchased, so go away you fascist pigs!)

Organic, Artisan, Vegan, Caffeine Free Mocha Tazo Crunch (made with all natural, organically grown ingredients and sold for 200 dollars a pint.
.01% of all proceeds donated to charity. Container made of recycled toilet paper. No animals were harmed in the typing of this message.)

Guinness Float (We took the "root" out of the "root beer float"! Best served with a side of pickled fish or shepherd's pie. Only sold at local pubs, found on every corner.)

Plain Vanilla (Another Davis Square special made popular after skyrocketing rent drove out everyone except those who had already paid their homes off, students who have no troubles living 15 to a 500 square foot apartment or wealthy, Caucasian upstarts...none of whom bring any true spice or bold flavor to an area. In fairness, vanilla is a lovely additive in it's own right, used in just about every recipe known to man and most consumers find it quite inoffensive.)

Comments

[cos]

Marshmallow fluff (plain), and fluffernutter.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Did you intend this for d_snark, or just feel like starting some shit? :-)

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

Probably the later. Nah, I intended it here.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

Also, tell Phe I say hi.

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

She says hello back :)

A flavor you'll appreciate

[closetalker11.livejournal.com]

Rock Band Rocky Road. You must know all the words to every Weezer song and beat Tom Sawyer on Hard to enjoy this flavor.

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

Emo sadness coffee vanilla twirl

Comes in a cone that has a piercing on the lip made with hardened sugar. Made with coffee beans that are guaranteed to be not be fairly grown. You can bet that every bite will make you reflect on how bleak and utterly sad the world is at this moment.

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha!

[firepail.livejournal.com]

Servings are directly billed to your trust fund, comes with complimentary wifi.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Art Attack: the cones are lovingly made by hand from bits of random baked goods artistically arranged and held together with icing. Sure, the overpriced multicolor-swirled ice cream (with edible glitter!) will drip all over you, but you can rest assured that you're eating something UNIQUE!

[ifotismeni]

PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

From hellgirl13:

Happy Hipster Chocolate Chip (Entirely devoid of any substance or sustenance, flavor or innovation. Guaranteed to keep you in skinny jeans and ensure that you never develop an ass of any sort to fill in the bum so keep that hipster sag going! Perfect for hipster boys and girls of all ages...not that you can tell the difference between them anyway.)

[delahk.livejournal.com]

HI FIVE

[arcanology.livejournal.com]

You forgot:

"It Used to be Better" - some tasty ice cream that is not like yesterday's ice cream, and is therefore complained about until it melts.

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

"Imitation New York" ice cream.

It does a good job of sort of pretending to be ice cream, but we all know real ice cream is from New York.

[closetalker11.livejournal.com]

Ice Cream Not Bombs: A raspberry sorbet that comes with a free pamphlet.

Greenpeace Green Tea Frozen Yogurt: it's just lobbed at you from the T station whether you wanted it or not.

[anomie666.livejournal.com]

Burrito ice cream special.

Its pretty self explanatory. Its ice cream on top of a burrito. Who wouldn't love that?

[closetalker11.livejournal.com]

Street Sweeper Daily Special: limited time only! Available first and third Tuesdays, second and fourth Wednesdays, after 8 am, before 12 pm, between April and December, when it's not snowing, and limited to certain areas. Not available to Cambridge residents.

[spatch]

I've had Guinness floats and boy they are actually a good idea.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

OK, first of all, that comment should end with "Would you like to know more?"

Yes, I would. What kind of ice cream did you use?

[plumtreeblossom.livejournal.com]

Noisy Airplane Ripple -- Will cause headaches even if you eat it slow, and butthurt if you eat too much. Come through the metal detector to get some.

[lbmango.livejournal.com]

That's a b0st0n flavor not a davis_square flavor...

[firepail.livejournal.com]

Butthurt flavor: tastes like ass.

[closetalker11.livejournal.com]

Kee Kar Lau flavor: tastes like ass.

[thetathx1138.livejournal.com]

May include corn.

[redcolumbine.livejournal.com]

Nobody Lookin' Speed Demon - STRONG coffee with bits of candied cherries to look like broken red lights.

[firepail.livejournal.com]

SCUL ice cream: wacky flavor, extremely hard to eat, but generally people like to watch. Disco ball topping optional.

[joylewis.livejournal.com]

Greener than Thou (Pistachio with handlebars): You don't have to eat it in a parking spot but it gets stolen if you don't lock it with a U-lock.

[agharta75.livejournal.com]

Burrito.

Just because it's Davis/

[zmgmeister.livejournal.com]

"Don't Judge Me" fudge.

/ducks