davis_square | Davis Square hypothetical ice cream flavors

My friend

hellgirl13 sent me an email that I'd like to post. Her LJ is blocked from work and her home computer is acting up. I got her permission to post what she wrote here:

So, I ate my lunch and was perusing the Wicked Local Somerville Blog and came across an entry that asked, "If Somerville was an ice cream, what flavors would it be?"

Here's my answer:

Tuft's Frat Boy Fudge Swirl (sold only in Davis Square on Friday and Saturday nights during the school year. May leave an aftertaste of cheap beer on the palate.)

Sanctuary Soft Serve (We refuse to tell you what's in it, what flavors it's available in or where it can be purchased, so go away you fascist pigs!)

Organic, Artisan, Vegan, Caffeine Free Mocha Tazo Crunch (made with all natural, organically grown ingredients and sold for 200 dollars a pint.
.01% of all proceeds donated to charity. Container made of recycled toilet paper. No animals were harmed in the typing of this message.)

Guinness Float (We took the "root" out of the "root beer float"! Best served with a side of pickled fish or shepherd's pie. Only sold at local pubs, found on every corner.)

Plain Vanilla (Another Davis Square special made popular after skyrocketing rent drove out everyone except those who had already paid their homes off, students who have no troubles living 15 to a 500 square foot apartment or wealthy, Caucasian upstarts...none of whom bring any true spice or bold flavor to an area. In fairness, vanilla is a lovely additive in it's own right, used in just about every recipe known to man and most consumers find it quite inoffensive.)